Writing Through PTSD: How I Organized the Chaos in My Mind

 

Writing Through PTSD

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can profoundly affect a person’s life. It often brings chaotic mental states, intrusive memories, flashbacks, and anxiety, making it hard to focus or articulate thoughts. However, there are strategies to manage these challenges, and for me, writing became a way to bring some order to the chaos.

 

How It All Began: Finding My Outlet

In 2017, I was stationed in Hawaii with the Defense POW/MIA Accounting Agency (DPAA). My work involved managing teams in Southeast Asia, recovering the remains of missing service members from past conflicts like World War II and the Vietnam War.

After years of nonstop missions and deployments, my brain hadn’t processed the trauma I had experienced. Being in Hawaii allowed me time to reflect, and slowly, the mental processing began.

One morning during a run with a friend, he stopped me and asked if I had ever sought help for possible PTSD. At first, I resisted, but eventually, I agreed to get an assessment at behavioral health.

 

First Impressions at the Clinic

Walking into the clinic, I was nervous. My initial assessment with a Major was intense and confrontational, asking about therapy and medication. I reacted with hostility, unsure of what I needed.

Later, a Social Worker helped me open up in a safe environment. She assigned me a simple “homework” task: write about one of my thoughts. This became the first step in processing the chaos in my head.

 

My Mind Is Like a 24-Hour News Station

PTSD often makes my brain feel like a nonstop news ticker:

• Bits and pieces of memories, scenes, and sensory details scroll constantly.
• I could focus and “slow down” these scenes to process them.
• I could move specific memories aside to focus on others — like organizing pictures on a giant touchscreen.

This mental exercise helped me gain control and understand the overwhelming flow of thoughts and memories.

 

The Homework Assignment: Writing as Therapy

The Social Worker asked me to write about a specific scene. I chose an attack in Kabul, Afghanistan. Writing allowed me to:

• Recall details with precision: locations, timelines, sounds, smells, and words
• Organize chaotic memories into structured narratives
• Understand that I wasn’t crazy — I had been through highly emotional and traumatic experiences

Through writing, I could process my trauma in a way that nothing else had allowed before.

 

Survival Begins: Writing as a Coping Mechanism

Initially, I thought about writing a book, but the amount of detail and mental chaos made that overwhelming. Instead, I decided to release my writings gradually, with the goal of:

• Understanding PTSD and my own thought patterns
• Sharing experiences with others
• Encouraging dialogue and coping strategies for fellow veterans

I know firsthand the consequences of untreated PTSD — friends lost to reckless behavior, alcohol, drugs, and suicide. Writing became my way to fight back, protect my family, and take control of my mental health.

 

Key Takeaways

For veterans and individuals living with PTSD, writing can be a powerful tool to:

• Organize racing thoughts
• Process traumatic memories
• Gain control over intrusive mental chaos
• Begin healing and coping in a safe, structured way

 

If you or someone you know struggles with PTSD, consider exploring writing or other forms of creative expression. You are not alone, and sharing your story can be a critical step toward healing.